


Nothing is Not an Option

by Krashlyn



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-31 18:10:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlyn/pseuds/Krashlyn





	1. 1

"I can't just be friends with you, Ali! It has to be something more or I can't do it. That's not fair but its the truth- I can't live in limbo anymore." Ashlyn blurts out finally.

Ali doesn't even look at her, she continues stare at the road they're driving down.

"I'm not asking you to choose, I'm just letting you know I can't do this anymore." Still nothing from Ali. She's afraid anything she says will set Ashlyn off- she doesn't know what she's feeling right now- let alone how to convey it to her best friend. "You choose **now** to be silent? ...Real mature, Kriegs. I thought you would at least have the guts to talk to me."

She saw Ali grip the steering wheel tighter but still, no words, no change in facial expression. Nothing.

They arrived at the party minutes later and Ashlyn turned to Ali hoping she would finally look at her, talk to her, anything... but her gaze was not met.

"Fuck you, Ali" she mumbled, completely discouraged and shut the car door behind her. Walking in by herself felt completely lonely. Ali and her were inseperable for the past few months, almost since they met. She cringed when Pinoe immediately asked where Ali was and she replied with "she's right behind me" and brushing past everyone.

"Keg's out back!" Kelley yells over her shoulder and shrugs at Pinoe regarding the cold response Ashlyn gave them.

Ashlyn went straight for the keg. Probably not her best idea but she really wanted to forget the conversation they just had- or rather- she just had, the kiss her and Ali shared last night, and the night before, and the one before that. She wanted to forget all the tension that mounted up in both of them for the past few weeks (or longer). She was going to do what she wanted tonight- she had nothing to persuade her otherwise.

"Hey, Ali, you okay?" Pinoe was still waiting by the door for Ali to walk through. It was so good to see a familiar face right when she walked in, Ali couldn't help but smile.

"Yea. I'm so happy to see you!" And she pulled Pinoe into a crushing hug, letting some of her worries go and regaining excitement to see her friends. She greeted everyone with hugs and smiles and did her best to make everything seem fine. She spotted Ashlyn walk in from the deck with two solo cups in hand- one undoubtedly for Ali and she felt a wave of relief. We are going to be okay.

...

"Hey, Kel" Ashlyn hugged her from behind while she was changing the song on her iPod dock. "Sorry about my charming entrance. That wasn't cool- just... got a lot going on." She shrugged her shoulders when Kelley turned around and handed her one of the solo cups. "Here, I bought you a beer." She smiled.

"Bought me a beer... from a keg... at my own party. Classy move, Ash. You shouldn't have." Kelley laughed and drew Ashlyn in for a hug. "Everything okay?" she asked before letting go.

"I'll tell you all about it tomorrow but for now..." she raised her cup up to meet Kelley's "...let's party!"

"Yesss!" Kelley smiled and clashed her cup into Ashlyn's. "I love this Ashlyn. Where have you been, dude?"

"Being lame I guess. Don't worry, the old Ashlyn is back."

"Good, because I know there are a couple people here who would really like the 'old' you." She nudges her a little before continuing. "That is, if you're still on your game."

"Oh, I'm still on it. I just hope my wingman is on her's" Ashlyn laughs confidently. She knows this could potentially end horribly, but there is no one holding her back so she might as well. _Ali wants to just be friends. I can do whatever I want._ Kelley grabs Ash's backpack and shows her which room she's staying in for the weekend.

_Kelley O'Hara sure knows how to rent a beach house._

When Ali sees Ashlyn hand the other beer to Kelley her heart sinks. _Oh. Maybe we're not okay._ Normally Ash would bring Ali a drink before even pouring one for herself. Not now. Ali lost that privilege when she refused to answer her in the car.

When their friendship turned into more- Ali was unsure how to handle it. Scared and confused- she could hardly form sentences in her mind, let alone speak them out loud.

She sees Ashlyn and Kelley joking around and wishes she could go over and join them but she knows she shouldn't. She should give Ashlyn some space- let her cool down before talking to her about it. Ashlyn would come around eventually- this wasn't a deal breaker, Ali hoped, still unsure why she was asked to decide in the first place.

"Let's go say hi to everyone else." She loops her arm around Pinoe's and they join the party.

Kelley has a party every Fall with her Stanford friends and this year she invited her newfound family- the girls on the national team. Ali is greeted by Tobin, Alex, Abby, Syd, Kristie, and Lori all standing around the kitchen counter catching up. They hug and exchange formalities before delving back into a conversation.

"Ash!!" Alex yells and goes running toward one of her favorite people in the world. "It took you long enough!" Ashlyn had just enough time to put her drink down before Alex lept into her arms and wrapped around her. Close behind followed Tobin and Syd, taking Ashlyn down to the ground. Kelley yells something about a dog-pile and hops on top.

"If I knew I'd get this welcome I woulda came in here first!" Ashlyn's voice is muffled by the friends on top of her.

Ali couldn't help but laugh at the way the girls take to Ash- she created such a strong bond with each of them in a short period of time. She was always good with people like that- they just feel comfortable with her. Ali, being one of those people, was trying not to get caught up in it.

Ashlyn got up, still laughing, and made her way to say hello to everyone else, passing over Ali like she wasn't even there. Since they arrived together, no one even noticed but Ali felt the sting of it.

"I'm gonna go get some more beer. Anyone else?" She looked everywhere but at Ali. A bunch of the girls chimed in and they left to go outside. Ali watched carefully as they left, hoping Ash would look back, but she didn't and Ali's heart sank even further.

...

Alex and Syd invited some of their friends to the party also and they all join a big group outside by the "bar". In normal Ashlyn fashion, she gets behind the bar and yells "free shots" which brings a whole crowd over. Ash pours a bunch of shots and makes sure to make eye contact with a few new faces while she toasts.

"What was that?" one of Kelley's friends asks her leaning over the bar.

"Just a little something I whipped up... want to do another with me?" She confidently looks the girl in the eye and smiles. Kelley, who has been listening in, grins and turns back to the party. Ashlyn doesn't even need a wingman.

...

A couple hours into the party and everyone's getting a little more friendly with each other. Ali is sitting by the bar drinking beer with Megan, Lori, and Tobin. Kelley and Alex were playing card games on the patio with a bunch of the Stanford girls and Alex's friends. Everyone else was scattered throughout the party. Pretty much everyone was accounted for, except for Ashlyn.

Ali tried not to make it obvious she was looking for someone but everytime the back door opened, she would look up from her cup to see who it was. _Not Ashlyn. Not Ashlyn... Not Ashlyn._

She thought about texting her but decided against it. It didn't matter where Ashlyn was or who she was with- they were just friends, a couple times with benefits. And she chugged the rest of her beer. "We should do a shot." They all looked over to her skeptically, shocked. "What? I do shots."

"We know... Remember last time we did shots together?" Lori inquired.

"...No?" Ali scrunched her brow.

"Exactly" Pinoe chimed in. Ali glared at her... "Fine, let's do shots!"

Tobin produced a bottle from under the bar. "Last chance to wimp out, Ali." And to that Ali clanked their glasses together and downed the alcohol.

...

"Did Ash come back yet?" Kelley asked Tobin while she came to the bar area to use the keg. Tobin shook her head left to right.

"Don't think so. Want to do a shot?" Tobin raised her eyebrows at her.

"Back from where?" Ali debated even asking but did anyway. Ali didn't care, right?

"She went to the beach with a couple of the girls." Kelley walked over with her beer and winked at them- implying something was going to happen. "I'll do a shot." She put the beer down on the counter and watched as Tobin filled two glasses.

Before Tobin could put the bottle down Ali pushed her glass to be filled also. Tobin looked up at her to make sure before hesitantly pouring her another shot.

Pinoe and Lori just looked at each other and tried not to laugh. It was either going to be a really good or a really bad night for Ali. They knew the line between fun-drunk Ali and confrontational-drunk Ali was all too thin. They were hoping for the first.

...


	2. 2

Down at the beach, Ashlyn was walking along the shore with three of Kelley's friends from Stanford, one of which was trying to find every possible way to nudge Ashlyn.

Having a few drinks in her, Ashlyn let it happen. The girl was cute and Ashlyn wasn't seeing anyone.  _You're single. Stop feeling guilty._ She brushed the guilt away and wrapped her arm around the girl.

The other two girls wandered a little further ahead, leaving Ashlyn and "Lauren" behind. They stopped at the lifeguard tower and Ashlyn climbed up to sit on the railing. Lauren followed, a little less gracefully than the goalkeeper, and Ashlyn grabbed her hand to help her up. The girl took this as an invitation and leaned up to kiss Ashlyn.

She kissed back but still felt a pang of guilt until she let the kiss take over, fully invested in having a good time tonight.

...

An hour had gone by and Ashlyn was still  missing in action. Ali's mind was running rampant with thoughts of what she was possibly doing. She hoped for her to come back, alone, and join her at the fire pit with Alex and her friends but she knew that was not going to happen. Girls flocked to Ashlyn. Always did. And whoever she was with right now was probably going to be hanging around her all night.

Ali tried to refocus on the conversation. The guy sitting next to her kept trying to engage her and she finally gave in and dropped the urge to ignore him. _What-or-whoever Ashlyn is doing is none of my business_.

Ali laughed at his jokes and accepted when he asked if he could get her another drink. When he walked away, Alex caught Ali's eye from across the fire pit. She was giving her an approving smile and shaking her head up and down slowly, as if to say "good job".  _He IS pretty cute._

...

"We've been down here a while.  Should probably head back up." Ashlyn took a breather. The girl wasn't ready to go but she agreed with Ashlyn and they walked back up to the house.

...

"Well well well, if it isn't the invisible woman" Pinoe cracks as Ashlyn walks back up to the bar smoothly, raising an eye brow. "Where ya been, buddy?" She lightly punches Ashlyn's arm, trying to pry some information but Ashlyn doesn't give in. She hops up on one of the bar stools and joins the conversation with the girls. Pinoe knows she'll fill her in... eventually.

After a few minutes of listening to Lori's story Ashlyn decides its been long enough to ask where Ali went without making it obvious she really cared. "She went with Alex and them to the fire pit a few minutes ago. Fair warning- she's getting into it tonight." Abby looked her in the eye but Ashlyn wasn't sure exactly what she was getting at.

"Getting into what?" Ashlyn laughed back.

"This bad boy." Tobin slid the now empty bottle of tequila over to her. "I mean, we all did a bunch of shots, but you know how _Ali_ gets."

"Yea..." Ashlyn agrees with all of their looks and lets out a soft laugh. "...a whole different Ali".

She thinks back on the couple times Ali drank a little too much and ended up dancing on a bar or shoving a girl for cutting her in the bathroom line.

Ashlyn tried to push away the memory of Ali snuggling up to her in the cab last week, on the way back from a night out with Ali's friends. Ashlyn didn't react-  _she's drunk_. Ali hardly ever drank, but when she did- she really did. 

"You guys want to head over there?" And they did.

Ashlyn told the Stanford girl she'd be right back and left her at the beer pong table a few minutes earlier with her friends. But, deny it as she may, she wanted to see what Ali was doing. Maybe Ashlyn did care. She finally let herself accept it (the alcohol made the decision a little easier).

...

When Ashlyn and the girls walked up to the fire pit, there was Ali- hand on some guys knee, laughing with him, and he was smiling back at her.

Ashlyn couldn't help but steal glances... but at the same time tried not to make it obvious.

Alex broke her gaze "Ash, where have you been?!" She hugged Ashlyn tightly and grabbed her hand, guiding her to sit with them.

At the mention of her name, Ashlyn saw a hesitation in Ali's conversation- she looked over at Ashlyn nonchalantly but really Ali was relieved to see her. The relief slowly drained from Ali's heart when she saw the look on Ashlyn's face, briefly, before she turned away from Ali. It was the look of discouragement, as if in that exact moment Ashlyn felt the hurt of the entire situation all at once.

 _Oh no._ Ali started to worry she was making a mistake by ignoring Ashlyn all night. She felt something tugging at her heart but she was pulled back into the conversation by the clearing of this guy's throat and she turned back to him, half-heartedly. She's so endearing its hard to tell sometimes.

Ashlyn had enough "You know what, I'm actually going to go play some beer pong." She got up and stepped over Alex, making her way around the pit.  _This is Ali's easy out. All she has to do is say she wants to play too and she can ditch this guy. She can come with me. Things can be okay again._  Ashlyn purposely walked around to Ali's side, the longer way around, hoping Ali would stop her.

"I'll come with you" she heard from behind her but it wasn't Ali. Another Stanford girl, or at least Ashlyn assumed she was one. If Ali wasn't going to to go with her, at least Ali would see this girl wanted to.

Ali kicked herself.  _I should have offered to go with her._ But she showed no signs of regret and watched Ashlyn walk off, paling around with the second girl of the night.

It took everything in her to will herself to look away.

...  


	3. Chapter 3

Five cups later, Ashlyn and the new girl are on their way to a victory. Kelley, Lauren, and the “Stanford friends” are all hanging around cheering them on.

Lauren looks a little annoyed that Ashlyn has turned her attention to the game (and this other girl) instead of her. Especially since Ashlyn told her she would be right back earlier and then showed up with someone else. Someone else who was getting awfully touchy with Ashlyn.

“You’re my good luck charm” Ashlyn joked with the new girl, a brunette, a little shorter than her, with a ton of wit. She kept up with Ashlyn’s jokes and jabbed back each time. Ashlyn had a weakness for a girl she could banter with effortlessly and this girl was on point.

It turns out she is one of Syd's friends from UCLA, not a Stanford girl at all. It relieves Ashlyn a little, she didn't want to get in the middle of anything. Although she had the strange feeling it was inevitable anyway.

Ashlyn shoots the ping pong ball directly into the last cup, prefacing it with "hook line and sinker". _Good. That looked like I knew I would make it._ The girl, name already forgotten by Ashlyn, gave her an excited hug and held on a little longer, keeping her arm around her waist when they broke.

Ashlyn knew where this was heading- she had been down this road many times before (one of those times being only an hour ago) and she knew it was only a matter of time before this girl caved in to the temptation. 

Two wins later, they are waiting for the next team to get on the table. "Next team up is Jason and Kyle!" The UCLA girl yells to the party. _Really wish I could remember her name._ Ashlyn tried to check on the list to see if maybe she wrote down their names for later, granted they ever lost and had to start up again. _Nothing_. _Damn_.

Ashlyn looks around for the next contenders and over walk Jason and Kyle, one of which is the guy Ali was flirting with and much to Ashlyn's dismay, she is following behind him. Alex and her friends are also joining but Ashlyn can only concentrate on Ali. _What else is new?_

 _This is not going to be a good time._ But Ashlyn sucks it up and feels the need to prove to Ali that she can be the bigger person. And that Ali is missing out.

So Ashlyn plays it a little bit smoother with the UCLA girl and makes sure to shake hands with both guys, acting like a good sport but really wanting to punch one of them in the face.

She avoids eye contact with Ali but makes sure to acknowledge Alex and wrangle her to root for the reigning champions. Kelley was on her side anyway, even if Ash did just ditch one of her friends, and she has clearly proven to have the advantage of fans here.

Ali had the choice to either follow Alex, since she was essentially hanging out with her anyway when she first went over to the pit, or stay and hang around this guy.

In Ashlyn's head, Ali was planning to hang around this guy all night so she was relieved when Ali moved to stand between both sides- leaning into Kelley who she hadn't seen for most of the night. 

The game was close but Ashlyn's team ended up winning in overtime, much to her own surprise. She was a little further into the drink than she intended to be, but then again, they all were.

She was pretty glad they won- pretty glad she beat this guy right in front of Ali, who may or may not have been paying attention to the game. She was feeling a little better about the night. _I knew he was a loser._ She thought about saying it out loud but she refused to let the alcohol cloud her judgement, again.

Unfortuantely, for Ashlyn, her high only lasted a few seconds and her heart was shot back down when the guy returned to Ali's side and clanked his cup with her's. "I guess this means I’m meant to spend more time with you." He smiled. That was enough for Ashlyn- she felt the sudden need to escape.

"I have to- umm... I'll be right back" and she walked away quickly- leaving UCLA girl standing with ball in hand, Stanford girl even more confused, her friends wondering why she was being weird, and Ali feeling like something was tugging at her heartstrings.

Ashlyn found the quickest way into the house without running into any of the girls. She couldn't keep her cool anymore.

Once inside, she started to feel her anger rising and she hoped she could make it to the bathroom before she lost it. Once the bathroom door closed she kicked the toilet. Not a good idea since it hurt like hell but it was certainly a better option than punching the wall. She would have definitely put a hole right through it and Kelley's name was on the rental- that wasn't right.

She let out a muffled growl and turned on the water to splash on her face. Looking in the mirror afterward she noticed a hickey on her neck. Not visible outside in the dark, it had not been detected before but tomorrow this would certainly be a conversation piece. Whether she wanted it to or not. Too bad it wasn't scarf weather.

...

Back outside, Pinoe re-joined the group and tapped Ali on the shoulder. "Where's Ash? Lori and I want to take you guys on in a game of horseshoes."

Ali just shrugged her shoulders silently.

"She was here a few minutes ago but kind of bolted to the house with a weird excuse" Kelley offered. "Too much to drink maybe?"

"Ha, Ash, drink too much? No way. She can handle herself." Ali responded without thinking. It was natural and it even caught her off guard how quickly she defended Ashlyn. 

"Well then, maybe you should go check on her. She **did** leave abruptly." Kelley suggested but when Ali looked at her quizzically she continued "...Or not. Fine, I'll go. I just thought because she's your best friend-"

"No, I'll go. You're right, she's my best friend." Ali interrupted and announced she would be right back. She made sure to say it to everyone, and not directly to Jason. She didn't want him to think she would come back for him.

Kelley and Pinoe exchanged a look and a shrugging of shoulders- something seemed a little off in the exchange between Kelley and Ali but they figured she was just drunk and left it alone. 

...

Ashlyn took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. Maybe now was a good time to grab a flannel from her room upstairs and see if her phone was done charging.

She still couldn't fight the feeling of discouragement from earlier- seeing Ali's hand on his knee, watching her follow him to the beer pong table- it made her feel sick.

She turned to head back down to the party but something caught her eye- a familiar bag sitting on her bed.

It was Ali's.

And it all rushed back to Ashlyn at once- _we're supposed to share a room all weekend._. A million thoughts ran through her head. _What if she brings him up here tonight? What if she doesn't come back to the room because she left with him? What if..._ But she didn't want it to get to her so she pushed the ideas out of her head.

This was too close for comfort.

She had to get out. Ashlyn clearly had her options as well- and she already chose to venture there earlier tonight so why not do it again? It's not like she was doing anything wrong anyway. _Nothing holding me back._ Ashlyn jogged down the stairs with a refreshed mind-set for the night: Forget Ali.

She turned the corner toward the kitchen and ran smack into someone, almost knocking them to the ground. _Damn_. Pretty hard to forget someone when you just collided with them.

It was instinct- she grabbed Ali around the waist to stop her from falling and saved her from an embarrassing stumble.

She didn't notice she did it until Ali was back on her feet- fully balanced and holding onto her arm. The contact was almost too much and she was checked back into reality by the memory of Ali ignoring her all night.

"Sorry" she let go and looked away as if she wasn't allowed to touch her. She palmed the back of her neck and tried to turn around and leave but Ali lightly grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"Ash" she pleaded softly and waited for Ashlyn to turn around… but she didn't. Ali understood why but it didn't make her feel any better about it. She waited, her fingers still wrapped around Ashlyn's wrist, hoping the tension would ease with time. 

"Ali, you should let go" Ashlyn warned quietly but they both knew she didn't mean it. Ali pulled her so they were facing each other.

"Do you like her?" She caught Ashlyn completely off guard with that. _I thought she didn't care who I liked._

"Who?" She played dumb and wished she hadn't almost immediately.

"Your beer pong partner, or whatever..." Ali came back with a little snap in her tone. She focused her eyes closer on Ashlyn.

"I don't know." She looked down for a second. She played it off like it wasn't a big deal to her. "It doesn't matter who I like, right?" She asked the question she was repeating in her head all night.

Ali wasn't sure why, but she was slightly offended. She furrowed her brow and decided not to answer, only adding more fuel to Ashlyn's anger from their conversation in the car. Ashlyn adjusted her collar to make sure it was still covering the mark on her neck and tipped her head toward Ali, still waiting for her answer.

"Fine." Ashlyn turned to leave again when Ali avoided eye contact.

"I don't know!" A confused confession escaped from Ali's mouth- one Ashlyn was not expecting to hear. She sounded almost as if she was fighting with herself to find out whether or not she did indeed care. Ashlyn stopped walking and turned to face her once more but when Ali refused to meet her gaze, she responded angrily...

"Well let me know if you ever figure it out! Have fun with whats-his-name." She made sure to get that jab in there but Ali still did not look up. She knew she couldn't face the hurt in Ashlyn's eyes right now. 

"I don't like him." She mumbled just barely loud enough for Ashlyn to hear. That was certainly good news for Ashlyn's ears but it didn't change the situation at hand. "I just- I don't like him, okay?" She finally looked up. "And maybe its none of my business if you like that girl but..." she trailed off.

"But what?" Ashlyn wasn't going to let her stop there.

Ali was teetering on the verge of something she wanted to say for a long time but could never muster the nerve to say when she was sober.

She started getting upset and hurriedly sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath, and fighting back the tears she hoped Ashlyn wouldn't notice were swelling in her eyes. She shivered a little and Ashlyn instinctively pulled off her flannel to wrap around her, dropping to her knees to do so.

When Ashlyn leaned over her to drape it around her shoulders, Ali noticed the mark on her neck and froze. She knew it wasn't there before beacuse she stole a long glance at Ashlyn in the car earlier, before the conversation turned sour, and she admired the perfection sitting there in her passenger seat.

Just as soon as Ashlyn had wrapped her up in the shirt, Ali had unwrapped herself and stood to leave, much to Ashlyn's confusion.

"Ali! Where are you going?" She called out as Ali brushed past her and headed for the door to the back porch.

Ali turned briefly to face her. "...Looks like you like her". She ran a thumb along her own neck in the location of Ashlyn's new hickey. The tone in her voice was heartbreaking and Ashlyn felt the breath leave her as she watched Ali walk out the door... 

...


	4. Chapter 4

Ashlyn couldn’t restrain herself this time. She blamed herself for messing up, even though it wasn’t really her fault, and she couldn’t shake the feeling. She acted without thinking and punched the fireplace. _Bad idea._

She gritted it out though- it didn’t hurt as bad as everything else right now. She pulled the flannel back on, not caring about who could see her neck anymore, and walked back out to the keg.

Ali had made her way back to the group and tried to act normal. “Is Harris okay or what?” Pinoe asked immediately.

“She’s fantastic.” Ali commented sarcastically and walked toward Jason and his friends. Again, Pinoe and Kelley just shrugged it off and continued partying.

Ashlyn waited a while before going back to the group. She made sure to dunk her bruised hand in the ice bucket for a minute or two to ease the pain. “What? Too hot to handle?” Ashlyn turned around to find a smiling Sydney and Kristie. When she cocked her head to the side in confusion, Sydney pointed to her hand in the ice bucket. “You okay?”

“Yea, just a drunken mistake.” _Like the whole night._ She didn’t even feel that drunk.

“Want to talk about it?” Kristie sat on one of the bar stools.

“Nope.”

“Well… since you’re not talking- could you make yourself useful and pour me a drink?” Syd smiled at her and took the seat next to Kristie at the bar. She knew the best way to help was to keep Ashlyn occupied. “I hear you make a mean cocktail." She shook the ice in her empty glass and eventually coaxed Ashlyn to get behind the bar and resume her position as a fake bartender.

Syd and Kristie tried their best to get Ashlyn out of whatever mood she was in and they were doing a pretty good job. The three were having so much fun they attracted a few more people and soon the group by the beer pong table was heading over after Lori drew attention to the fun they were having.

Syd’s friends, including UCLA girl, rejoined her and put Ashlyn’s drink-making skills to the test.

If Ali was going to hang out with this guy all night then Ashlyn was going to step back into her game. Plus, UCLA girl is cute. _WHAT is her name?!_  Ashlyn still couldn’t think of it but eventually someone had to say it.

She made eye contact with the girl and gave her an innocent smile- it was Ashlyn’s way of apologizing for leaving her at the table earlier.

The night was looking up again and Ashlyn pushed everything from before to the side. She was surrounded by her friends, had a cute girl in her sights, and was playing bartender for a bunch of drunk party people.

But all of that was dragged down when she saw who was walking over toward them. Ali… but not just Ali, Jason was right along-side. Her stomach knotted and she put down her drink and pushed it to the side. She was done drinking for the night.

Jason has no idea what he’s stepping into which makes things even worse. He goes right up to Ashlyn, playing along with the bartending game, and says they want to do shots.

Ashlyn is about to tell him off when she decides to play along instead. “What can I get for you guys?” She asks through her clenched teeth. Jason turns to ask Ali what she wants and the way he looks at her makes Ashlyn cringe.

“How about a red headed SLUT?” She looks Ashlyn in the eyes with a fake smile and twists the knife a little further.

“Really, Al?” Ashlyn shook her head. Was she really going to stoop to that level? She knows Ali hates that shot too- she was just making a point.

“That’s what I want.” And she turned her burning stare away from Ashlyn, placing a hand on Jason’s arm and smiled at him.

Ashlyn swore she was going to punch him. “Glad to know you still have your decision making abilities. I was really starting to wonder earlier.” Ali froze and bit down on her tongue.

UCLA girl seemed to notice the tension mounting and walked around to Ashlyn’s side of the bar, placing her hand on her lower back while Ashlyn poured the shots. Now Ali was the one wanting to punch someone.

“There. Two shots. Have a _great_ night.” The sarcasm was thick in the air and Syd and Kristie were starting to take notice.

“You should take one with us!” Jason chimed in, still oblivious as to what was going on.

“No, red headed sluts aren’t my thing.” She looked at Ali, stone faced.

“Not what I heard” Ali jabbed one more time and took her shot. Her grin was vindictive and cold and Ashlyn wasn’t going to stand there in front of them for a second longer.

“I’m done!” Ashlyn shook her head and everyone thought she meant she was done with her bartending act. She turned to face UCLA girl and nodded for them to move on.

Everyone sighed in disappointment and called for her to come back but it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen. Ali was the only one who knew what she really meant.

Kristie nudged Syd and they gave up their bar stools to go sit by the fire pit. No one filled their seats- mostly everyone had left the bar area when Ashlyn abandoned her position. Alex thought about asking Ali what was going on with them but she figured they would be best to work it out on their own. After all, they are best friends.

...

When Ashlyn walked away, Ali did her best to act like it was what she wanted, but deep down she felt her heart sink. She didn’t mean what she said. She would never intentionally insult her best friend but the hurt she felt inside clouded her judgment and she went for it.

Part of her wished she could follow after Ashlyn and grab her hand and show her why she was so confused. But she didn’t. Instead she stayed at the bar- positioning herself to be able to still see Ashlyn across the party, painful as it was that she had a girl hanging all over her. For a second she almost convinced herself Ashlyn looked bored with the girl, that she was just doing it to get back at Ali, but she told herself to leave that idea behind.

...

Ashlyn managed to avoid Ali for a while. The party was winding down and she knew there would be the inevitable weirdness when it came to the room situation- which would cause more weirdness tomorrow morning. Maybe she could crash in Kelley’s room? But who knew which of her Stanford friends are also staying.

She was already losing interest in UCLA girl, who was now sitting between Ashlyn and Pinoe at the fire pit, hand on Ashlyn’s thigh. The girl was talking to Pinoe and Lori but leaning slightly back into Ashlyn and she was just allowing it to happen.

Nothing against her- Ashlyn just couldn’t concentrate on anything except the almost-confession she received from Ali inside. It was eating away at her.  _What was she going to say? But... what?_

...

“Picture time!” Cheney ran over and grabbed Ali and Alex from the bar. Ali was all for it- she needed a break- until she realized where they were heading. “Kriegs, come on.” Cheney tried to convince Ali when she felt her arm slip from her grip.

Ali stood there- not wanting to be around Ashlyn but she knew if she didn’t go this would become a more public issue. They would know something was up and she certainly didn’t want that. She followed. _I’ll just stay on the opposite side._

Cheney had a whole plan and it was quickly getting out of hand but these were definitely going to be great pictures to look back on.

She was moving them all around and setting up each shot in a particular way. There was a point when they all switched sides and Ali accidentally bumped into Ashlyn and it sent sparks through both their hearts. They stopped in their tracks but quickly resumed and switched places without looking at each other.

After the final picture, Ali tried to get out of there fast but Pinoe saw the worry on her face and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, you okay?” Pinoe inquired but really attributed the difference in Ali’s behavior to alcohol. Ashlyn looked up at them in time to see Ali hesitantly shake her head up and down, a blank look in her eyes. “Why don’t you hang with us for a few?” Pinoe didn’t want Ali hanging with a group of bros if she was too drunk.

Before she could protest, Pinoe pushed Ali into the closest seat, Ashlyn’s lap.

Ashlyn almost gasped at the unexpected closeness but tried to remain calm. Ali was surprised by how it made her feel too but the instant rush of butterflies was intense and she tried to get up. It was all too much for her and the alcohol in her system prevented her from standing smoothly. She fell back to Ashlyn’s lap.

If that wasn’t bad enough, she lost her balance and tipped backward.

Again, Ashlyn instinctively wrapped an arm around her waist before she could fall and Ali grasped for the closest thing- the back of Ashlyn’s neck. It took everything Ashlyn had in her to not make a move right now.

“Hey.” She dipped her head to meet Ali’s eyes. “You okay?”

But Ali just stared into her eyes. Ashlyn could see the apology in them. She didn’t want to fight anymore.

Ali finally snapped out of it. “Yea, I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She realized her arms were still wrapped around Ashlyn’s neck. She sat up straight on her lap.

The tension was electric. Ali felt like she couldn’t breathe and when she did all she could smell was the scent of Ashlyn.  _Why does she always smell so good?_ She was still staring at the blond but didn’t notice it until now.

She looked away and motioned to stand up “I should probably get-“

“You don’t have to." Ashlyn interrupted quietly so only she would hear. Ali’s eyes switched to meet hers again. “Unless… you want to…” She could hear the discouragement in her own voice and it made her cringe a little. Ali noticed and knew she was the one who caused it.

No one else noticed any of this was going on. There was nothing weird about Ali sitting on Ashlyn’s lap, it was a normal occurrence, but only the two of them knew the feelings behind it right now.

Ali’s intentions of icing Ashlyn out were tossed away when she saw her look down. She pulled her arms a little tighter around Ashlyn’s neck. “I didn’t mean it." She whispered in her ear.

“I know” Ashlyn responded and felt a little better about the whole situation. 

… 

A few minutes later and they were back to their old ways- laughing and making fun of each other. It felt good to spend time together. Ashlyn made a good joke at Pinoe’s expense and Ali raised her hand up to give a high-five. She smacked Ali’s hand and winced at the pain long forgotten about from earlier. “I’m not _that_ strong” Ali noticed something was wrong and grabbed her hand, eliciting another wince. “Oh my god, Ash!”

“Yea, forgot about that.” She flexed her fingers up and down.

“What happened?” Alex joined in.

Ashlyn looked down at her hand. “Apparently, I make really bad decisions when I drink.” Ali looked down to her and waited for Ashlyn to meet her eyes before they both let out a shy laugh. Ali knew what she was really referring to.

“Let’s clean up that cut, come on.” Ali stepped off her lap and grabbed Ashlyn’s wrist to guide them inside. Pinoe noticed a change in Ali’s eyes and scrunched her brow but shrugged it off for now. 

…


	5. Chapter 5

They walked into the kitchen and immediately Ali was making jokes. “Let’s clean this quick before Kelley comes in. ‘Guys, people eat in here!’…” She mocked Kelley’s voice and Ashlyn laughed at just how accurate she was.

“Ali, are you crazy? You’re paying the cleaning fee!” Ashlyn’s turn to mock Kelley and Ali filled the room with laughter. Ali turned on the faucet and just then, Kelley walked into the kitchen from the bathroom…

“Hey guys.” She smiled. They both froze for a second before running out of the room, laughing hysterically. “Okay? See ya?” Kelley was confused but continued outside. 

They ran into the downstairs bathroom giggling uncontrollably. “Do you think she heard us?” Ashlyn still was trying to control the laughter. 

“Didn’t seem like it…” Ali closed the door behind them, presumably to keep Kelley from finding them in case she did hear. But they certainly both took notice of the fact they were in a closed bathroom together, alone. Ali broke the trance “Alight, now let’s put my First Aid skills to the test” as she opened the medicine cabinet. 

“It’s a scratch." Ashlyn laughed. _And a pretty bad bruise._

Ali grabbed a band-aid and Neosporin and hopped up on the counter. She held her hand out for Ashlyn who placed her palm on Ali’s.

“Ali Krieger, MD.” Ashlyn cracked to break the silence. 

“Best doctor everrrrr.” Ali mumbled while trying to concentrate on cleaning the cut. She wiped up the little bit of dried blood and applied some ointment before sticking the band-aid across Ashlyn’s knuckles. “Like new!” She held Ashlyn’s hand up so she could see. Just holding her hand like that made Ali’s heart pound. 

She knew Ashlyn was close- she could feel her’s hips against her knees, but she didn’t realize how close until she looked up. This was the first time they were (voluntarily) this close to each other since last night- when Ali kissed her.

She felt the same urge again right now- looking into Ashlyn’s eyes but she tried her best not to give in. “What did you punch?” She put Ashlyn’s hand down on her thigh. 

“The fireplace.” Ashlyn admitted guiltily. 

“Whyyy would you do that?” 

“Because I make bad decisions when I drink?” She asked jokingly, hinting at the situation earlier. 

“No, you don’t. I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said outside.” Ali wanted to reassure her but she struggled for words. “I guess…” She took a deep breath. “…I guess I was a little jealous”.

Ashlyn couldn’t help but smile but she tried her best to control it. “Jealous enough to use the word slut.” She laughed at Ali’s antics from earlier and eventually Ali did too. 

“I’m sure she’s very nice.” Ali feigned an apology. 

“Ehhh...” Ashlyn shrugged. “Not my type.” Suggesting a little more. 

Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn’s neck and slowly pulled her into a hug, letting her knees separate so she could bring her closer. Ashlyn could see herself in the mirror- holding Ali- and she loved the look of it.

Ali mumbled something into her neck- something only Ashlyn would be able to decipher. “What **is** your type?” 

Ashlyn waited a second before answering… “You”. 

Ali smiled but still wanted to know the answer to her question. She leaned back a little to ask more clearly. “No, _what_ is your type? Not _who_.” Ali still mumbled a little. 

“I know what you said.” Ashlyn reassured. “The answer is still you, Ali”. 

That was all she needed to hear. Ali let her hand run down Ashlyn’s arm and looked up at her through her eye lashes. She wasn’t as nervous as other times but the nerves were definitely still there.

Ashlyn knew what she was getting at but was intent on not making the first move due to the conversation, or lack of, in the car. Her body was an inch from Ali’s and if the music outside wasn’t so loud she could probably hear Ali’s heart pounding. 

She felt Ali move closer, leaning their foreheads together, their lips almost touching. Ali quickly tilted her head in advance but then hesitated. She tried to fight it but she couldn’t anymore.

Ali moved slowly now, tilting her head so her lips met Ashlyn’s. She let it linger for a second before she slightly parted them, took a slight breath in, and softly pressed a kiss to Ashlyn’s lower lip. She was still amazed at what she felt when she connected their lips. 

Ashlyn let her do it but she didn’t retaliate, she just allowed Ali to make the move. It took all she had to restrain herself when Ali kissed her like that again, a little longer this time. She moved with her when Ali slowly pulled back to gauge her reaction. Ali took that as a good sign and kissed her again. 

This time Ashlyn finally gave in. She brought her hand up to the back of Ali’s neck, her thumb on her chin, and deepened the kiss.

Ali felt better knowing Ashlyn was reacting. She let her take over. She liked it better that way anyway.

After a moment, Ashlyn realized what she was getting herself into and paused. “I can’t just be friends.” Ashlyn repeated from before, almost as a precaution. 

“I know... I know.” Ali pulled her back into a hug. “I don’t normally make-out with my _friends_ in bathrooms anyway…” She held her tight and hoped Ashlyn would laugh at the joke. She felt her chuckle softly and then let herself. She continued. “Or in a cab… or on the couch for movie night”.

Ashlyn thought back to the movie night and grinned. That was the best one, the first one. Ashlyn didn’t see the kiss coming. Not in a million years. Not from Ali. 

“Good to know.” Ashlyn smiled shyly. 

“Maybe we can talk about this whole not-just-being-friends-thing?” Ali awkwardly made the attempt. 

“Sure, but I think that should be a conversation for when we're not drinking.” Ashlyn laughed as Ali was pulling her closer. 

“I’m not _that_ drunk." Ali protested but quickly wished she hadn’t when she noticed herself practically hanging on Ashlyn. “Maybe a little.” She added quietly and Ashlyn kissed her anyway.

The kiss straightened Ali right up in her seat on the counter and she eventually wrapped her legs around Ashlyn’s waist, much to Ashlyn’s pleasure. 

“I don’t want to talk right now anyway.” Ashlyn mumbled into her lips and Ali let out a soft sigh when they crashed together again. The kiss was full of desire on both ends and Ali suddenly felt Ashlyn’s hands on her hips, pulling her even closer. She lightly bit on Ashlyn’s lip which only intensified the desire. 

Ali thought about saying it. Then she backed out. Then she worked her courage back up to say it- what she really wanted but would probably never live down. Something she could never muster up to say when she was sober. She let the alcohol convince her to do it… “I want y-“ Knock, knock, knock. They both paused and looked to the door.

_Shit._

...


	6. Chapter 6

Ashlyn turned her head away and took a few steps back “be right out!” she yelled to whoever was on the other side of the door. 

“We might be busted” Ali added shyly, hopping off the counter. 

“Girls go to the bathroom together all the time” Ashlyn straightened her shirt and flushed the toilet for effect. 

“Not for fifteen minutes” Ali pointed out but didn’t really mind. 

“It’s fine. No one will think anything of it” she looked at Ali. “As long as you can wipe that smile off your face” she raised her eyebrows and made a face, purposely trying to make Ali smile more. “Ali, no smiling!” she continued the joke. “I’m serious. You better get rid of that grin right now, young lady” she pretended to reprimand her. 

“Stoppppp! You’re _making_ me smile!” Ali pushed her playfully and Ashlyn admired her favorite smile in the world for a second longer before opening the door.

…

They were thankful it was no one they knew as they stepped out of the bathroom and apologized, hoping the guy was only waiting there for a minute. He didn’t seem to mind and closed the door after himself. Ali smiled a guilty smile and shrugged her shoulders before they turned to walk out. “I guess we should have used the bathroom in our room” Ashlyn laughed. 

“Wait, we have our own room?” 

“Yea, I mean, at least I think so. It has both of our stuff in there and no one else’s so I guess it’s our’s…” she looked up to find Ali staring at the stairs. She waited and Ali slowly turned her head back to face Ashlyn. She looked at her with almost puppy-dog eyes like she was going to ask for something but instead of asking she just gave Ashlyn a look as if to say “so…?”. 

“No” Ashlyn said sternly when she realized what Ali was hinting at, even if she did find it amusing. And it wasn’t like she wasn’t thinking the same thing but she knew it was a bad idea. _Tonight was going to be interesting. Your self-control will be put to the ultimate test._  

“You’re no fun” Ali pouted a little but she knew it was a bad idea too. 

“You weren’t saying that a minute ago” Ashlyn teased and pushed Ali toward the back door. “Let’s go find the girls... But Ali…” she changed to a serious tone. 

“Yea?” she turned around, hoping maybe Ashlyn had changed her mind. 

“What did I tell you about that smile?” she pretended to warn her. Ali feigned a straight face and pointed to her own mouth. 

“Is this better?” she tried to remain serious. “Or this?” she narrowed her eyes and scrunched her nose, almost snarling at Ashlyn. 

“That’s a good look for you” Ashlyn joked. She pulled her arm around Ali’s shoulders and Ali did the same and they walked outside to join the party.

…

“There you are!” Kelley exclaimed when they reappeared. “You guys besties again?” They both shook their heads up and down. “Good” she nodded. “Syd and some girl were looking for you, Ash” Ali tensed up when she heard Kelley say this. _Great. That girl is still in the picture._

Ashlyn tightened her grip around Ali. “I’m good” Kelley knew what that meant. Steer the girl away if she came around. It was part of their wing-man code. But what Kelley didn’t know was why. Ashlyn continued “I just want to hang with these lovely ladies” she pointed to Tobin and Lori who were having a burping contest. 

“Yea, me too” Kelley chuckled and the three of them re-joined the team. 

…

The party was finally dying down and everyone was either leaving or heading up to their rooms. Ali was fighting the urge to fall asleep as she leaned into Ashlyn’s side. “Want me to help you carry her?” Alex inquired before she said good night to the girls. 

“No, I’ll get her” Ashlyn patted her own biceps and Alex laughed. “She’s little anyway” even though she’s not much smaller than Ashlyn, it always seemed she was smaller when Ashlyn wrapped her in her arms. A perfect fit. 

“Okay, goodnight guys” and Ashlyn sighed when most of them walked inside. She wanted to avoid that bedroom for as long as she could. She knew Ali had other plans but she knew Ali was also drunk. Not too drunk, but drunk enough that Ashlyn didn’t want to pursue anything tonight. 

Ali pulled her out of her thoughts when she moved, probably catching herself falling asleep. “Hey” Ashlyn pulled her closer and Ali sleepily cuddled up. She heard the door close and was pretty sure they were the only two people out there. 

“What time is it?” she mumbled. 

“3:49” Ashlyn said nonchalantly but Ali pulled back. 

“We should gotobedbabe” Ali mumbled some more, half asleep, resting her head on Ashlyn’s collarbone. 

 _Did she just call me ‘babe’?_ Ashlyn never liked the word. She never wanted anyone to call her ‘babe’ but when Ali said it things were different. Maybe she could get used to it. _She can call me ‘babe’. I’d let her call me anythi- wait, don’t get ahead of yourself. For all you know this whole thing could be a drunken mistake to her. And she might not have said ‘babe’. She does mumble. A lot._ And Ashlyn let herself feel the doubt again. 

“Ashy” Ali interrupted her thoughts. _Now she called me Ashy, gotta make fun of her for that tomorrow._  

“Okay, come on” she pulled Ali onto her lap so she could pick her up easier but Ali sleepily took the chance to kiss her again. Ashlyn paused. She didn’t fully kiss her back because they were right out in the open. She didn’t want to do anything Ali would regret tomorrow. “We’re going to sleep, Ali” she set it straight from the beginning and Ali shook her head up and down, a little defeated but understanding. She knew she was mostly going to pass right out anyway. Ashlyn got up, Ali in her arms, and walked toward the house. 

Little did they know someone saw Ali lean in for the kiss from one of the windows… _No. Fucking. Way…_  

 


	7. Chapter 7

Ashlyn carried her inside until they got to the stairs. Ali hung on so tight, like the closer she was the safer she would be. It felt nice.

"Okay, the rest is you." Ashlyn let Ali down and followed her up the stairs. "It's this one..." She opened the door to their room.

Surprised to find no crashers, Ali high-fived herself. _Finally, some alone time._ She had a plan in her head. A plan to convince Ashlyn that going right to sleep wasn't the only option. 

Ashlyn had other plans and they only included sweatpants, brushing her teeth, and sleeping. She pulled off her flannel and tossed it at Ali who didn't react quickly enough to catch it.

I shouldn't have had that last drink." Ali admitted. "I went a little too strong tonight" She smiled a guilty grin. Her plan was out the window when she realized the room was spinning slightly.

"Yea, that's not like you. You're going to hate yourself tomorrow." Ashlyn pointed out as she unzipped her duffel bag and pulled out sweats. Ali didn't look like she was moving anytime soon so Ashlyn tossed her bag to her. "Come on. Bed." She requested and Ali slowly and reluctantly pulled out clothes to sleep in.

She sighed but Ashlyn chose to ignore it. The more attention she gave Ali the more likely she would give in to Ali, and she couldn't do that tonight. 

By the time Ashlyn finished brushing her teeth Ali was under the covers, presumably asleep. Ashlyn crept into her side of the bed- the left side, as it had always been their entire friendship- and waited for Ali to lean into her. When she did, Ashlyn wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed the back of her head.

"Goodnight, Al." She whispered. 

"Night, Ashy." Ali mumbled into her pillow and Ashlyn bit back a smile, trying not to laugh at this newly adopted nickname. _I guess I really would let her call me anything._  

... 

They were asleep for maybe an hour when Ashlyn felt Ali leave her arms in a hurry. The bathroom light flicked in her eyes for just a second before the door slammed shut. She could hear Ali coughing into the toilet. _Great._

She waited a few minutes and stared at the dark ceiling. _Good thing nothing else happened tonight or I'd feel pretty terrible right now._ She patted herself on the back for not pursuing anything with a drunken Ali and went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water for her. 

When she came back up, the bathroom door was still closed but there was silence on the other side. She knocked.

"Hey Al..."

No answer. She opened it anyway.

Ali was passed out on her arm as it rested over the toilet seat. _Good thing they clean this when they rent it out._ Ashlyn knelt down and carefully pulled Ali to a sitting position.

You okay?"

Ali just groaned in response but it was confirmation she would be fine eventually. "Want to go back to bed?" 

Ali slowly shook her head "no" and leaned back toward the toilet, only to rest her head on her arm again, and her arm on the toilet.

 _I can't let her sleep like that._ Ashlyn took it upon herself to make sure she didn't. She sat down behind Ali, facing her back, and pulled Ali to her so Ali's back was resting on Ashlyn's front. Ali allowed it to happen and tilted her head to rest under Ashlyn's chin.

I'm right here." She whispered to Ali. "Just...you know... don't throw up on me". 

Ali laughed a little but it ended with another groan and she curled closer into Ashlyn. "Sorry." She murmured half-asleep. 

"Don't be sorry." Ashlyn smiled and pulled her a little closer. There was honestly no where else she would rather be.

... 

Morning came a lot sooner than it was welcome and Ashlyn awoke with her head still against the bathroom wall, Ali sleeping in her arms. Ashlyn could feel the headache lingering, waiting for her to move. She grit her teeth and got up anyway, pulling Ali with her and carrying her to the bed before chugging a glass of water.

Ali sprawled out and fell back to sleep immediately and Ashlyn was left to lie on her back and replay the events of the night before. The bathroom scenario kept playing over and over in her head- the first bathroom scenario, not the second one. 

After tossing and turning for a half hour, Ashlyn got up. Going back to sleep was not going to work out. She was glad she cut herself off when she did last night- wasting a day of vacation time was not something she wanted to do. She changed for the beach and went downstairs for breakfast- hoping someone had already made some. 

"A dream come true!" She exclaimed as she found Cheney and Tobin at the stove, making eggs and bacon. 

"Someone's up early." Cheney looked a little surprised to see Ashlyn up already. 

"I rationed myself last night. Might be my new thing. I feel pretty good- now that I took Advil." She grabbed a stool at the counter. 

"And Ali?" 

Ashlyn looked up startled. "W-what about Ali?" 

"How does she feel?" Cheney asked and gave Ashlyn a weird look. 

"Oh, right. Ali is... not so lucky. Poor girl." Ashlyn caught herself and answered before quickly changing the subject. "Want to go surfing after breakfast, Tobs?" She propositioned. 

"Hell yeah!" Tobin high-fived her excitedly. "Can always count on you, Ash. Surf buddies!" Tobin snapped her fingers. "Did you bring your board though?" 

"Nope, didn't want to fly it out. But Kell brought hers and we all know she's not getting up anytime soon." Ashlyn joked. 

"I bet you she gets up before you even eat." Cheney joined in. Ashlyn shook her off. "Loser has to clean up the solo cups outside..."

"You're on." Ashlyn shook on it before she felt a hand on her back. 

"Better get out there, killer!" Kelley said to her with a groggy voice and patted her back. "Nice play, Chen." She pointed to Cheney with one hand and rubbed her eyes with the other. 

"You knew she was behind me?!  That’s cheating!" Ashlyn laughed and tried to talk her way out of it. 

"You shook. A deal's a deal, dude." Tobin added her thoughts. 

"Woman! You're supposed to be on my side!" They all laughed. 

"Come on." Kelley gave in. "I'll help you." And they walked outside into the California sunshine. “I wanted to ask you about something anyway...” 

... 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh it is SO nice out!" Ash exclaimed as she reached back in a stretch. "Hell of a night, Kel!" She tossed a few empty bottles in the bag Kelley was holding.  
   
"I know how to throw a party, don't I?" Kelley laughed.  
   
"Sure do. Um... what did you want to talk to me about?"  
   
"Oh yea. So, is everything okay with you?" Ashlyn stopped and slowly turned to look at her, a confused smile on her face.  
   
"Yea, why do you ask?" She raised an eyebrow.  
   
"Well, apparently I missed a good chunk of the night but Syd said you were angry about something. And you ditched my  _very cute_ friend for no apparent reason. And then you ditched Syd's friend too. And Alex told me Ali was being a jerk to you in front of everyone. So... you know. Just checking."  
   
 _Oh. Alex caught that, huh._ "Everything is good. Ali was just messing with me- you know she gets chippy when she drinks." Kelley nodded in agreement. "And... I don't know... I guess I wasn't really into those girls."  
   
"But you kissed her...?" Ashlyn froze when she heard that and looked at Kelley hesitantly.  
   
"How did you kn-"  
   
"She told me."  
   
"She did?" Ashlyn was completely shocked. _Why would Ali tell her?_  
   
"Yea! Lauren's one of my best friends, Ash." Kelley scoffed.  
   
"Oh! Right, Laurennn." Ashlyn repeated her name. _I really thought she meant Ali. Close call._  
   
Kelley chuckled and shook her head. "Who did you think I was talking about?" She dropped cups into the garbage bag and elbowed Ashlyn. "Did you make out with another one of college friends?!" Kelley seemed almost interested.  
   
"Nooo." Ashlyn reassured. _I made out with one of OUR soccer friends._ "I realized there is only one Stanford girl for me." She put Kelley in a playful headlock.  
   
"I'm so honored!" Kelley joked and took a bow while still in Ash's hold.  
   
"I meant Press!" Ashlyn kidded back and let go before Kelley could jab her.  
   
...  
   
Ali woke up and wished she never did. She groaned and buried her head under the pillow. Even a movement as small as that was painful. _Why did I drink so much?_ She tried to remember the night. A few moments were missing and a lot of situations were blurry but she definitely remembered kissing Ashlyn at some point. She also remembered being a jerk in the car and, even worse, at the "bar". She looked to the bathroom and vaguely remembered lying on the floor. She cringed and regretted letting herself become "that girl".  
   
 _Pretty sure today is going to be an apology day. Ughhh._  
   
...  
   
Ash and Kelley walked back into the kitchen for breakfast and a few more girls had woken up. "It's probably the nicest day ever right now." Ashlyn made sure to let everyone know.  
   
"That's awesome, Ash." Alex winked at her.  
   
"Y-yea, it is."  
   
"Can't wait to get on that beach." Alex winked again and Ashlyn narrowed her eyes. Alex's only response was a mischievous smile as she filled a glass with orange juice and pushed it toward Ashlyn.  
   
"Thank... you?" Ashlyn grabbed the glass cautiously and sipped from it.  
   
A couple minutes later, Alex brought her a plate of breakfast and grinned. "Here ya go!" She rubbed Ashlyn's back. "You're a little tense. Let me get this knot out for you." She applied pressure to her shoulder blade. "Rough night?" She inquired.  
   
"I- uh... Wait. Why are you being so nice to me right now?" Ashlyn asked, a little worried. _Does she know something?_  
   
"What ever do you mean, Ash?" Alex played dumb and it just made Ashlyn more anxious.  
   
"She wants you to teach her to surf." Tobin interjected and Alex shot her a look. "What?" Tobin shrugged her shoulders.  
   
"Well..." Ashlyn laughed, relieved. "That explains the winking and the five-star service." She slid her plate closer. "A little to the left." She directed with a mouthful of toast and Alex slapped her back playfully.  
   
"So... will you teach me?" Alex hugged her like she wasn't planning to let go until she agreed. "Tobin and Kel gave up on me a while ago." She snarled at them.  
   
"She might be a baby-horse on the field, but she's definitely not a sea-horse in the ocean." Kelley laughed at her own joke and Tobin high-fived her. Alex pretended to be appalled and dropped her jaw. "We named her 'surfbitch' last year." Tobin rolled her head back when Kelley reminded her of this and they both doubled-over laughing.  
   
"They did." Alex shook her head up and down and concurred with them. Ashlyn tilted her head to the side to inquire. "I deserved it that day- I'll admit that." She turned to face Ash and explained the nickname. "I yelled at them when they laughed at me for getting mad at myself. Told them they were horrible teachers. Might have tipped Kelley off her board when she was paddling for a wave." She smiled guiltily.

"Surfbbbbitch!" Tobin chanted from the floor where her and Kelley were now sitting, laughing to each other.  
   
"Those days are behind me. I went to counseling. Fought my demons." She joked with a serious face. "And now I'm ready to get back in the water." She raised her fist in the air. And they all laughed with her. Ashlyn agreed to help and patted her on the back before continuing her breakfast.   
   
...  
   
Ali finally convinced herself to get up and take a shower. She sat slowly, stood even slower, and gradually made her way to the bathroom.  
   
She felt a little better after but still not good. She changed and crawled back onto bed, laying across the foot of it. Maybe she shouldn't have gotten up in the first place. _Where is Ashlyn?_ She tried to remember how the night ended with them. Tried to remember if Ashlyn slept with her. Literally slept. But her memory was completely blank. _I hope I didn't fuck everything up._ She curled up in a ball and felt sorry for herself and anxious about seeing Ashlyn- still not knowing what transpired, if anything.  
   
...  
   
A few hours later, Ashlyn knocked on the door. Loud enough so Ali could hear if she was awake but quiet enough where it wouldn't wake her if she wasn't. There was no answer so she slowly creaked the door open and slipped in. Quickly closing it behind her to keep out the noise from downstairs. She dragged her duffel to the bathroom and closed the door. Her hair still dripping from the surf- she took a fast shower and changed into another bathing suit, some board shorts, and a gray tank top before heading back into the room.  
   
She tip-toed across the carpet to place her bag back where it was. "I'm sorry." Ali admitted guiltily, not really knowing how much she should be sorry for. Ashlyn chuckled.  
   
"I told you last night not to be sorry." She walked to the bed and knelt in front of Ali, rubbing slowly on her spine. "How ya feeling?"  
   
"Ughhh. Not good." She groaned and hoped Ashlyn would continue the back-rub.  
   
"Do you want me to get you anything?" She had an idea... "We have some left-over dinner I can heat up." She felt Ali gasp and then she buried her head into the comforter.  
   
"I missed breakfast, lunch, AND dinner?" She whined into the bed and Ashlyn felt bad. She laughed and Ali slowly turned to look at her before she stopped.  
   
"Breakfast and lunch, yes. I'm just messing with you about dinner. It's only 3:00." She smiled and sat on the bed next to Ali, her hand still rubbing her back. "Was last night at least worth it?" She could tell Ali was hesitant to answer. "Do you remember last night?" She continued.  
   
"Yes... and no." There was no point in pretending but she was reluctant to admit it.  
   
"Do you remember what happened in the bathroom?" Ashlyn tested her.  
   
"...I threw up. I'm sorry." She felt pretty bad when she vaguely remembered Ashlyn helping her.  
   
"I meant the _downstairs_ bathroom..." Ashlyn raised her eyebrows.  
   
"I threw up in there too?!" Ali was embarrassed and hid her face in her hands until she noticed Ashlyn laughing again. "What?"  
   
"Think back..." she raised her bandaged hand and it all came back to Ali.  
   
"I... kissed you!" She yelled a little louder than she expected.  
   
"Shhh!" Ashlyn laughed and covered her mouth. "Are you still drunk?" She joked.  
   
"Sorry! I totally remember that. Oh my god... I was pretty mean to you with those shots and that Justin guy. Ughhh, I'm so sorryyyy." She pulled her hood over her head.  
   
"His name was Jason and... were you trying to make me jealous?" Ali waited a second before admitting it but before she couldn't say anything, Ashlyn continued. "Because you did... make me jealous." She laughed a little. "You jerk."  
   
"You did it too!" Ali reasoned. "But... I deserved it." She sounded defeated and Ashlyn felt bad. She slowly pulled the hood off Ali's head and tucked her hair behind her ear.  
   
"No, you didn't deserve that." She reassured. "I'm sorry too, Al. Let’s not worry about it now. We can talk later." Ashlyn laid next to her, giving up all intentions to rejoin the group. "What's bothering you more, your head or your stomach?" She scooted a little closer.  
   
"My stomach. Still feel a little nauseous." Ali grumbled.  
   
Ashlyn simply took her by the wrist and gently rubbed the places she learned about during a team reflexology class. Hoping it would ease some of the nausea. She felt Ali relax.  
   
Ali pulled her own arm closer to the edge of the bed- causing Ashlyn's to drape over her. She settled into Ashlyn as she snuggled her. "Mmm" Ali sighed and closed her eyes with a smile. "Besthangoverever". She mumbled before she drifted back to sleep.  
   
 ...


	9. Chapter 9

An hour later, Ashlyn thought about kissing her when they finally woke but talked herself out of it. _Don’t. You still don’t know where she stands._ She stretched instead and looked out the window. Everyone was down by the pool. Ali said she needed some time to get ready and she’d meet them down there. 

“Hey...” She stopped Ashlyn at the door. Ashlyn hummed in response. “Do you think we can keep this between you and I?” She back-pedaled when she saw worry flash in Ashlyn’s eyes. “For now. Until we talk.” She walked closer. 

“Sure.” Ashlyn nodded, half-heartedly.  

“I want...” Ali grabbed both of her hands “...to talk about this. Us... Okay?” Ashlyn didn’t look up so Ali took matters into her own hands. She leaned up and kissed her on the cheek.  

"Okay." She tried not to smile but it happened anyway.

... 

“Well would you look who it is?” Pinoe jabbed immediately. “Long night?” She inquired. 

“I’m way ahead of you. Already went surfing. Where were you?” Ashlyn countered. 

“Not what I was talking about.” Pinoe laughed and gave her a pointed look.  

“Whatever.” Ashlyn mumbled and threw a towel at her.  

“So, Ash. Did you hook up with that girl last night?” Lori jumped right in for the details as she walked by. 

“Which one?” Pinoe joked out of the side of her mouth. 

“What’s your deal?” Ashlyn shot her a look and shook her head. 

Just then Ali walked outside. Megan covered her mouth and muttered under her breath so only Ashlyn could hear. “Speak of the devil.” Ashlyn froze and slowly turned to her, jaw slightly dropped. Megan looked at her for a second and cocked her head. “One of our friends? Seriously?” Pinoe accused. She was mostly messing with her but also half looking out for Ali. Ashlyn did have a slight reputation. 

“Pinoe, don’t.” She warned, scared Megan would bring it up to everyone but she just looked at Ashlyn skeptically. “I like her.” Ashlyn admitted quietly. “Like- really like her. Please don’t.” 

Pinoe just looked at her amazed and nodded her head in agreement. “I won’t. I didn’t know.” She thought about it some more and finally smiled. “I didn’t think you ‘really liked’ anyone.” She nudged her. 

“Yea, me either.” Ashlyn blushed and looked down at her feet. 

“Ali! How are you feeling?” Tobin's voice snapped Ashlyn out of her thoughts. 

Ali laughed at how behind she was on the day. "Might have had a few too many.” She had a guilty smile on her face since the moment she walked out the door. 

“Did you make out with that Jason guy?” Lori again. 

“Knock it off.” Pinoe threw an ice cube at her. “Get out of everyone’s business, yo.” She joked and Ashlyn was thankful for that much. 

... 

Eventually everyone split their different ways and would meet back for dinner. Ali took this time to go down to the beach with Alex and Cheney. Ashlyn and Tobin went long boarding to town. Her long board. Ashlyn made sure to bring that if she couldn’t bring her surfboard.  

“Can I ask you something?” Tobin started. 

“Anything.” 

“Alex said Ali was being a jerk last night... to you. And you guys never fight... so everything good?” 

“Man, Alex is a talker. Kelley said the same thing earlier. But... yea, we’re good. Not sure what that was about.” She lied about the last part. 

“Maybe she was jealous. I- don’t tell anyone but... I think she might have a crush on you. Maybe like a straight-girl crush.” Tobin said through a clenched smile, worried how Ashlyn would respond. 

“I don’t know.” _Yes, I do._ “Maybe she does.” _Definitely she does._ “But we’re best friends so... you know... nothing going on there.” She’s not even sure why she said the last part. Ashlyn hated lying to people and that was a straight up lie. “Hey, let’s head back.” She added before the conversation could go any further and Tobin noticed the unsure tone of her voice and raised an eyebrow. She didn’t question it though.  

...

Dinner was fun. They all shared stories from the night before. Good and bad. Funny and funnier. And eventually everyone made their way to the fire pit. 

Ashlyn went upstairs to grab a hoodie and ran into Ali on her way back out.  

“Hey!” Ashlyn smiled. 

“Hey you.” 

“Coming to the fire pit?” She pointed over her shoulder. 

“It’s too hot for a fire!” Ali made up an excuse to do something else. 

“Speak for yourself. This is cold for a Florida girl!” Ashlyn always brought up her Florida roots when she was cold. Always. 

“So come walk with me on the beach. Moving around will warm you up.” She kicked herself for using a lame reason. 

“Okay.” Ashlyn gave in easily. 

“Be right down. Need to grab a long-sleeve.” She tapped her and jogged upstairs. 

“Uh huh. Thought it was too hot?” Ashlyn yelled up the stairs to her and she heard Ali laugh. Caught. 

Ashlyn grabbed two beers and waited for her at the door. _This is it. You’ve had this talk a hundred times in your head. Now do it for real._ She told herself and she couldn’t help but smile when she saw Ali walking back down the stairs. 

...


	10. Chapter 10

They went down to the water and let it run over their feet as they walked along the shore. The moon gave just enough light for them to see where they were headed and they bumped shoulders every so often. Neither of them brought it up though- they just walked.

 

Eventually Ali started heading up toward the walkway and motioned for Ashlyn to join her. They got to the ledge and Ali sat on the sand- leaning her back against it. Ashlyn sat down next to her and felt Ali lean into her side. She wrapped an arm around her back and kept her close.

"So..." Ali started.

Ashlyn laughed nervously. "Uh yea... so..."

"Maybe now is a good time to talk?" Ali was hesitant, in case the timing was off.

"Yea. We could do that." She nodded her head up and down but didn't go on. Neither did Ali. They both sat in silence for a few minutes.

Ashlyn was hoping Ali would start. She had never had this conversation with someone before. No one else meant enough to her to have it. She noticed Ali nervously playing with the sand.

_Just go fo it. You have nothing to lose, except... everything._ Ashlyn bit down on her tongue and thought some more.  _No, just say it. Now!_  

"I really like you, Ali." She admitted. Hoping not to sound too eager. "And not in the way I've liked other people in the past. Like- really like you."

Ali couldn't help but smile and she tried her best to control it. "I like you too." She responded.

"And I've liked you for a while. It's not just a passing thing." Ashlyn reassured.

"I know, me too."

"I'm not sure exactly when I noticed it but it was at least a year ago. Maybe a little more."

Ali fought a smile. "A year? Really?" She was genuinely surprised.

"Yea, why?" Ashlyn raised an eyebrow.

"No, nothing." She fought the smile even harder but it was obvious and Ashlyn pushed the subject.

"Al, tell me!" Ashlyn wanted to know but was also nervous what Ali had to say.  _Maybe I shouldn't have told her I've liked her for that long._  She turned to face Ali, encouraging her to go on.

"Since... the camp where you and I were the last ones at lunch and you made yourself an ice cream sundae and brought it over with two spoons so we could share." Ali blurted it all out at once.

Ashlyn thought back on which camp she was referring too and when her mind finally found it, her smile faded and she leaned forward with wide eyes. "That was the first camp we had together..."

Ali bit her bottom lip and shook her head up and down with a guilty look on her face. "I know!" She confessed.

Ashlyn still couldn't believe it. "Wait... so you've... had a crush on me since the day-"

"Day we met." Ali finished the sentence with her and watched as Ashlyn's jaw dropped.

"Al, that's a long time. That's... a long time, Al." She was astonished.

"I knowww." Ali grit her teeth. "I thought it would go away!"

"I mean, I'm glad it didn't but... three years, Ali?" She circled back.

"Yeaaa." She admitted.

"How did you keep it together for that long?"

"Um it sure wasn't easy. Especially when you were with that girl Erin."

"Oh my god!" Ashlyn put her hand over her mouth. "And I asked you for dating advice!" Ashlyn felt bad when she realized. "What the hell? Why weren't you like 'here's some advice- DATE ME'?" She joked but saw a change in Ali's demeanor as she looked down to the ground. "Al, hey." She tipped her chin back up. "Want to know the first time I thought you were cute?" She tried to sound endearing.

"When? Last week?" Ali joked, bitter her crush was so much longer.

"No."

Ashlyn took a deep breath.

"We played Penn State... when I was out with my ACL. After the game was over, you shook hands with the whole team but I was obviously on the bench. While you were jogging back to your side, you looked over and waved to say 'good game' to me before joining your team. We hadn't met yet and I swear it's still the cutest thing I've ever seen you do." She smiled. "So technically... I guess my crush was a little longer. And a couple years later we met at National Team camp and you had a boyfriend and I just never thought I'd have the chance." She laughed. "So I pushed it out of my mind."

"You never told me that story." Ali smiled and patted Ashlyn's knee.

"I know. Thought I would save it for the right occasion... you know, if there was one." She grabbed Ali's hand.

Ali nodded- knowing the "right occasion" feeling all too well.

"But back to now... I feel for you something I have never felt for anyone before and that scares me because I don't know how to handle that." Ashlyn continued.

_There you go- that's what you want to say. Go on._

"But I'm not going to let my fear of not knowing prevent me from being happy. I want to be with you, Ali, like nothing I've ever wanted before." She confessed. "Like I said. I can't just be friends with you. My feelings are too strong. It would kill me." She admitted and then felt bad and added... "No pressure."

"I know what I want." Ali looked up with a smile. "You're not pressuring me. Let's do this. See what happens and go from there." She nodded as she said it.

Ashlyn nodded with her. "Let's do it." She smiled now too and threw herself at Ali to steal a tackling hug.

When they pulled apart, Ashlyn didn't move too far. She pushed the hair out of Ali's face and looked into her eyes. They shone back at her and even though it was dark, she could see right into them. Her thumb brushed against Ali's lips before she leaned in to kiss them. Slowly, passionately. 

"Does that technically count as our first kiss?" Ali whispered after they broke.

"Mmm, I think so." Ashlyn mumbled into her lips and kissed them again.

"Good, now I can tell everyone you kissed me first!" She teased.

"You tricked me!" Ashlyn laughed, hand over her heart.

"And you totally fell for it." She wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck and pulled her close.

"I did." She let Ali kiss her again.

... 


	11. Chapter 11

 

They started walking back along the path toward the house. Ali grabbed Ashlyn's hand and laced their fingers together as they went. "What do we tell our friends?" She asked. "Or do we tell them anything?" 

"Well... Pinoe already knows, kinda." Ashlyn probably should have told her before. 

"What? How?" Ali was pretty sure they were careful. 

"She saw you kiss me last night." She laughed. 

"In the bathroom?" 

"No, by the firepit. When we thought everyone went to sleep- you kissed me. Guess she saw us through the window." 

"Whoops." She didn't sound too apologetic. "What else do I not remember?" It was mostly a rhetorical question but Ashlyn couldn't help but answer. 

"Well... you called me 'babe' I think, on mistake." Ali smiled a guilty smile, she knew it was only a matter of time before that one slipped out. "And you repeatedly called me 'Ashy'..." She laughed again at the nickname.  

"Oh and you hate the word 'babe'! Sorry!" 

"No. Well yea, I do but not when you say it." She admitted. "So, you know, _maybe_ you can call me that down the line." 

"Okay... Ashy." She teased and pulled herself closer. 

... 

They walked quietly for a few minutes. Both smiling to themselves, when Ali thought of another question. "So does this mean you're, like, my girlfriend?" She cringed when she realized how much she sounded like a middle-schooler. 

"No." Ashlyn said plainly.

Ali's heart dropped a little.  _Oh._  

"I'm going to ask you to be my girlfriend the right way. You deserve to be asked." Ashlyn smiled and brought their hands up to her face so she could kiss Ali's knuckles. She knew she was smiling too. 

"Well I  _did_ wait three years so I guess I can wait a  _little_ longer." Ali teased and bumped her whole body into Ashlyn who simply caught her and pulled her into a tight hug. 

"I promise I won't take too long." She whispered in her ear and kissed her temple before letting her go. 

... 

They decided to keep it to themselves for now. Neither of them wanted too much attention tonight. But they sat close and whispered to each other every now and then, which might have seemed unusual to others if it were anyone but Ashlyn and Ali. 

A few of them had moved to sit at the edge of the hot tub and put their feet in. But conversation was slowly dying down and people were making their way inside for the night. Again it was Ashlyn and Ali left to themselves.

"I'm not even tired." Ali kicked her feet underwater. 

"Well you  _did_  sleep all day." Ashlyn teased. 

"You got a nap out of it too, don't hate." She teased back and leaned back into her side. Ashlyn wrapped an arm around her ribs and kissed her temple. They sat like that for a while. 

"Want to go back to the beach and look at the stars?" Ashlyn suggested. They both knew it was a good idea. No one could see them kissing through the window if they were down there. 

"Sure." Ali responded and waited for Ashlyn to move before she got up. 

"I'll meet you down there. Gotta run to the bathroom. Grab that." She pointed to a brightly colored blanket thrown over a bench and made her way inside. 

... 

Ali heard her whistling as she got closer but kept her eyes trained on the moon reflecting off the ocean. Ashlyn sat down behind her and scooted up until Ali was leaning her back into Ashlyn's chest. She kissed Ali's jaw and felt her smile.

"I brought you something." She nudged at Ali's jaw and reached behind her own back. Ali waited patiently, skeptically.

When Ashlyn pulled her hands back around, Ali couldn't help but smile. It was a pint glass, filled to the brim with ice cream and chocolate syrup and topped with whipped cream. Just one spoon sticking out of the top. 

"Like the first time we met." She kissed Ali's cheek and offered her a spoonful which she accepted with a huge grin. "But I thought we could get by with one spoon this time."

Ali thought it was an adorable gesture. She always saw the softer side of Ashlyn- that's what she gave Ali- and Ali was proud to be one of the only people to see it. Ashlyn truly took care in everything she did when it came to Ali.

"So... I was wondering..." Ashlyn started and Ali turned sideways to face her. "If... you want to be my girlfriend?" She blushed.

Ali smiled shyly and nodded her head. "Yes!" She kissed Ashlyn's cheek. 

"Okay, cool." Ashlyn played it off but she was overjoyed.

She scooped a bite for herself but Ali intercepted it on it's way to her mouth. She ate it before Ashlyn could react and laughed when she made a face.  _That laugh. My god._ Ashlyn didn't even think, she couldn't stop herself from kissing Ali.

They broke apart because they were smiling too much- excited for whatever was coming next.

...

 


End file.
